


Long Shadows

by Minsky10



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, Depression, Homosexuality, M/M, Multi, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minsky10/pseuds/Minsky10
Summary: Harry Potter has been raised to die and his life so far has him longing for that time to come.This is my first ever fanfic and any comments are appreciated. Give me notes and things to improve on. WIP
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Neville Longbottom/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

** **

He towered over the small skinny raven-haired brat, breathing through his large nose as he bent over examining the latest failed attempt at a Sleeping Draught potion.

“That will be yet another fail in my class today Potter” he drawled before heading away to inspect the next bubbling goo mass Neville had concocted before the whole class befell some form of poisoning from it.

Harrys head fell forward, if only he could sleep then maybe, just maybe, he could perform better in classes. But the latest entourage of night terrors, either thanks to the Dursleys this summer or Voldemort’s connection, were leaving him with little to no hope of a few hours rest. The large bags below his eyes just added to his withdrawn face and stature. His appetite was minimal these days, who could eat between the horrors flashing past his eyes as he slept, the stress of failing his classes and how one day he was supposed to somehow save the entire wizarding world. The future was feeling bleaker by the second. Harry began packing away his things, Ron was supposed to be his partner but had spent the majority of the lesson leaning across the tables staring at Hermione as she worked.

Harry lightly tapped him on the shoulder and whispered he would be heading to the library.

“yeah, yeah… no worries…” Ron breathed back dreamily. Hermione must know how Ron feels, ever since returning from the summer holidays he’s been staring at her with those love-lorn eyes

Professor Snape stood at the front of the class, his robes having just stopped billowing from his potion inspections.

“Bottle your potions and present them to the front of the class. No talking or dawdling!” his baritone rang through the stone chamber and his eyes piercing the class as though he could read the minds of every student.

Harry was the first to deposit his odd coloured cloudy concoction, his eyes remained down and his movement quick so as to prevent any further criticism from his professor. School had only restarted a week prior and already the constant barrage of disapproving comments from his teachers, forced interaction with other students and the dreadful anticipation that he could be called to Professor Dumbledore’s office at any moment to go and risk his life again, were taking their toll on the boy. His shoulders appeared slumped from the weight, adding to that his dark bags, his skinniness and height it was a wonder that the Daily Prophet heralded him as “The Boy Who Lived” rather than “The Boy At Risk.”

Harry left the Potions classroom with no intention of going to the library. Instead he left the castle and walked towards the lake. He veered out of view from the school and sat on the grass. This was his spot. Since returning this summer Harry found that he needed a place, a place where he could think and be alone. He stared out across the vast landscape. The weather was cloudy, but it didn’t seem like it was going to rain, and the wind was just the right side of cold. He could feel it penetrating his robes, but it wouldn’t chill him. Scotland wasn’t known for its sunny days anyway. Harry sat there a long while, he thought about his Aunt and Uncle and cousin, how they were his only real family and yet, had this innate hatred towards him. No matter how he’d tried over the years to be liked, how many orders he’d followed, how little he complained and how much he tried to not be a burden upon them, they couldn’t seem to see past the scar on his head and the magic in his veins. The desolate emptiness he felt seem to have no end and with no one to provide him comfort the depression he felt had overwhelmed any feelings of hope and happiness he was capable of. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t they see him as their nephew and not as the freak? He thought about the times he’d tried to end this hellish life only to be caught and beaten again. Vernon had declared that he “wouldn’t be blamed for the freak killing himself” apparently, he’d only beat him _half_ to death and Harry would have to go on living. He sat in his spot and cried, wishing the lake monster would arise and take him to the deep inky depths, but as with everything… he was The Boy Who Lived. The boy who lived through years of abuse, hatred, depression and expectation. The boy who lived through beatings, starvation, exhaustion and exclusion. Even Ron and Hermione didn’t see, really see, him anymore. He was on the outskirts, invisible to all unless they needed him to die at the hands of the Dark Lord. Harry took solace in the fact that one day he would die and in his death the world would become a little brighter, as if his very existence was the reason for all the bad things that were currently happening.

The light of the day slowly ebbed to darkness, Harry decided to return and at least be present in the Great Hall. The last thing he needed was to be questioned in some feigned sort of worried manner if someone was to notice he was absent from his evening meal. The walk back to the castle was filled with dread of the noise and clamour that would no doubt be occurring in the Great Hall as the students chatted happily to one another about their days and questioned each other as to how much homework they had accrued through their lessons. Harry arrived at the castle just as the cold of the evening had begun to sink into his bones, glad that the feeling invigorated him a small amount as he walked to the hall. He stood outside and peered in, he could see his friends together at the Gryffindor table chatting and smiling, they looked happy and began laughing as Ron had no doubt cracked some joke about a teacher or class. The table was alive with banter and try as he might Harry could not summon the strength to match their energy. So, he plastered on a fake smile and headed to join them. He sat next to Ron and Hermione as per usual and loaded his plate with different meats, potatoes and vegetables then doused the whole thing in gravy.

“Harry! Did you get any work done in the library?” Hermione exclaimed amid the chorus of noise.

“Not as much as I would have liked, this charms essay is hard!” Harry joked not quite making eye contact with her.

“Oh, you should try this book I’ve been reading, it wasn’t recommended on the syllabus but it’s so useful!”

“Thanks, yeah, I’ll borrow it when you’re done with it then”

“Are you guys really talking about schoolwork now? There’s food here and we’ve just spent all day in classes!” Ron waffled through his mouthful of… well basically everything on the table.

“Ron, that’s really disgusting and yes, Harry and I are because we actually enjoy learning and Harry really needs to catch up this year” Hermione retorted angrily.

Ron had the decency to look mildly ashamed, whether it was because the girl he clearly liked had admonished him or because he realised that Harry actually needed the help, Harry couldn’t be sure but nevertheless Ron returned to talking about Quidditch with Dean and Seamus. Harry pushed the food around his plate to make it seem as though he’d eaten, but in truth the idea of filling his belly with anything made him feel physically ill. He ate so little at home he wasn’t used to it anymore.

After their meal the group returned to the Gryffindor Common Room which had become inhabited by the first years reading and studying their various new subjects and gossiping about teachers or new things they had learnt.

“I think I might actually get an early night guys” Harry said scanning the room and the chaos.

“No worries mate, I’m going to stay and talk to Hermione for a little bit” Ron replied sheepishly eyeing the head of curly mousey brown hair as Hermione aided some of the younger students in their homework.

Harry nodded sleepily and climbed the staircase to the boy’s dormitories. The rooms lush beds and red and golden décor was a far cry from his cot under the stairs but sometimes he longed for that cupboard. It wasn’t much but it was his and somewhere he could be alone with his thoughts. He carefully folded his uniform away and fell onto his bed. He sank into the soft mattress and covers and lay there staring at the ceiling. It was early yet, but Harry couldn’t be in that room with so many people and that much noise. It felt overpowering and he desperately need some sleep anyway. He wasn’t sure how long he’d lay there but slowly the rest of his dorm had filtered in and were now softly snoring in their respective beds. Each simply greeting him with a “Good night” as they’d walked past. The room was silent and pitch black as Harry slowly closed his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Flashes of green sparked through his visions interspersed with the slap of a belt. Bloody screams and angry roars rang through his mind. His body felt paralysed and fiery hot as the spasms began, searing pain coursed through his veins and a molten poker stabbed into his brain. Harry bolted awake screaming which slowly turned into tears. Morning had barely broke before he released the silencing charm around his bed. So normal this had become that the charm was always in place before he slept. Too many times had he awoken this way at his home only for Vernon to begin the day with a beating due to the screaming “It’s too early for this! What will the neighbours think you pathetic freak!” Harry now always slept with the charm in place. He rubbed the scar across his chest from the last time he forgot, no one cared if he screamed anyway.  
Harry headed to the bathroom for a shower and attempted to train his rebellious black hair in the mirror. He looked at the dark circles under his green eyes and sighed, he would have to learn how to glamour those before anyone asked questions. He dressed quickly in his robes and looked around the room at his still slumbering friends, how lucky they were to never have to experience Harrys life. They all had loving families that fed them enough, laughed and played with them when they were young, supported and cared for them. Harry wondered if his parents would ever have done the same for him, he was sure they would have. Everyone spoke so kindly of his mum and dad, even when the spoke of his dad’s school days it was with laughter and happiness. If only they could see him now, what would they do, would they be proud of what he’d accomplished so far, or would they be disgusted the way his Aunt and Uncle were.  
It was still early, and Harry decided he might as well walk the castle. He wandered aimlessly through the stone corridors, seeing the ghosts float by not noticing the scrawny boy that seemed lost in his mind so early in the morning. Harry always wondered if along these morning walks he would come across more of the magical wonders hidden in lost parts of the castle. He hadn’t yet, but maybe one day if he was lost enough, he could. He could see the light beginning to filter through the long windows and guessed that it was nearly time for breakfast. He wasn’t really hungry yet after last night’s dreams but if he missed breakfast his friends would wonder where he was.  
The corridors were quiet on his walk to the hall and when he arrived, he realised there were no other students present in the bannered hall yet. He wondered what time it actually was and began to worry that he might get in trouble for arriving so soon. Across the hall he spied Professor Snape at the teachers table who greeted him with a raised brow but returned to his book which told Harry that it was acceptable for him to enter and have breakfast. Harry sat in his usual spot on the Gryffindor bench and food was automatically conjured onto the table. He placed a piece of toast onto his plate and nibbled the crust whilst pulling his charms essay from his bag to add some more writing too it. He was sure this essay was ruined as he stared dejectedly at the parchment and attempted to scrawl something on it in the hopes of saving his grade. He didn’t want to be doing so badly this year and as sure as he was that Dumbledore would never let him fail entirely, he also didn’t want his teachers to lose hope in him and didn’t like being treated differently from other students. Deep down Harry was desperate to be recognised for himself and not as some fake celebrity icon that could do no wrong.  
Snape watched the boy enter the hall, it was very early yet, and he was surprised to see the dark mop of hair appear at this time. Snape liked to eat this early before the chaos of students flooded the hall to noisily fill their faces with food and chatter incessantly about absolute bollocks. Snape would never understand why Dumbledore thought coffee was appropriate to serve students in the mornings. Those caffeinated imbeciles would ruin his classroom and teaching plans. Potter however was sat quietly, and Snape tried to think of the last time the boy had proven to be a nuisance with the other pupils and failed to think of anything. The boy had been reclusive so far this year and maybe even much of the previous year, which though glorious was out of character for him. Snape eyed the boy suspiciously over his book and wondered, had someone Polyjuiced the boy? Was the boy really sat there doing homework? Had Potter ever openly studied before? And by the looks of it he was finding it quite hard. Snape peered closer; Potter was proving to be a bit of a mystery. On closer inspection Snape noticed the boy had lost weight and seemed to be rather tired. Probably trying to stay up late and get in shape for his dazzling admirers. He seemed far too thin, but it wasn’t Snape’s problem, the boy was doted upon by his followers and much of the teaching staff. They would probably happily spoon feed him chocolates if Potter wanted.  
Harry lifted his head and made contact with the obsidian eyes he had felt burning into the top of his head. Snape was pushed from his internal thoughts and as he stared back into the green, he saw more than he expected in their depths. They seemed sad somehow with an intensity he hadn’t realised and the longer he stared the emptier he felt, as though the emptiness of the boy was pulling him to fill the void. Was this really the Potter that he had begun to know and hate over the years? He didn’t feel the same energy that had once driven him to madness emanating from that boy. The moment seemed to draw onwards with neither able to break the trance until the first students began appearing and the noise and clamour of the day began. Snape’s contact was broken, and he shook his raven locks, his thoughts were deceiving him if he ever thought that boy had depth deeper than a puddle and he frowned angrily at the boy for having him believe otherwise. He grabbed his books and began the long walk to the dungeons along the stone walls and dark corridors berating himself as he went. Potter was a rebellious, ignorant brat that would no doubt be currently telling his friends that the greasy dungeon bat had been staring at him.  
With Snape’s withdrawal from the eye contact Harry felt a surprising dejected loss but understood, the teacher who hated him most couldn’t even bare to look at him now. It’s no wonder really, who would want to stare at such a skinny freak Harry thought. With that he shoved his charms homework into his bag and left the rest of the nibbled toast, he didn’t want to eat now anyway, and made his way to his first lesson of the day. He would be over and hour early, but he didn’t want to stay in the Great Hall knowing that in just a few moments the place would be full to the brim with students and teachers alike.  
“Harry! Harry, wake up!”  
Harry yawned and slowly opened his eyes to be greeted with Neville beaming down at him. Neville really had become a good friend to Harry over the years and he was happy to be woken by him. Neville’s face was slowly turning pink as he looked down at the sleepy green eyes in front of him.   
“You’ve dozed off there! Must have gotten up really early, I didn’t see you this morning.” Neville chattered.  
“Yeah must have. Thanks for waking me up though Neville” Harry half smiled back “Ummm, can I get up now”  
“Oh, sorry haha yeah” Neville laughed as he stood up properly and helped Harry to his feet.  
“Ummm Harry, I just wanted to know, like if you’re not doing anything later ummm would you w-w-wanna like go for a walk round the grounds?” Neville stuttered turning a darker shade of pink.  
“Yeah, of course mate” Harry replied, oblivious to the obvious hints Neville was leaving him.  
“Oh, OK, great, catch you after class then” Neville stated still optimistic as the class began filing in.  
Charms went as expected. Professor Flitwick had taken one look at Harrys parchment and told him it needed rewriting at the very least. The rest of the lesson and dragged along with Harry half falling asleep and scrawling incomprehensible notes. Ron and Hermione had sat together today and didn’t seem to have noticed Harry was even in the room. He was happy for them really, it just felt as though he was losing another piece of himself, as though they were going to move on and be happy together and Harry would just become “that friend we used to have”. He smiled a melancholy little smile at them, at least they would have each other when the time came for Harry to sacrifice himself. The prophecy had clearly stated “either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives” and the Order were just kidding themselves if they thought he could stand against the Dark Lord and live. Harry would die and Dumbledore would probably deal the final spell to rid the world of Tom Riddle. In a strange way Harry took pleasure in knowing that his death would finally come and as he watched his friends, he knew they would be ok after he left the world.  
As everyone filtered out of the classroom Neville ran up to Harry beaming.  
“That was dead hard today, I don’t think I understood a word of it!” Neville joked.  
“Yeah, I think I need to hit the library and try to figure out what Flitwick just said” Harry replied  
“I’ll come with you then!” Neville smiled back “I need to find out too!”  
Harry was happy the boy wanted to accompany him, a little less happy that he actually had to go to the library now rather than to rest at his spot by the lake. The two of them walked together, Neville chattering on about his summer and how he was getting on in his classes. Harry felt a warmth emanating from him, as though the boy was truly happy and cared deeply for his classmates. He liked it; it was nice to spend time with someone capable of that warmth. Upon reaching the library Neville led Harry to a spot in the corner where the two could work together without disruption. Harry sat down in one of the plush armchairs whilst Neville grabbed some books, they could both work from. Although Harry felt far too tired to work, he thought he probably could do with spending a little bit of time studying.  
The two worked in companionable silence for a short time before Neville looked to Harry and said “Are you ok Harry? It’s just, I’ve noticed you look quite tired and then when I found you asleep outside charms, I wasn’t sure I should wake you cause I thought you could use the sleep”  
“yeah I'm ok, just been busy lately haha”  
“ok, but if you need anything you know you can talk to me. I’ve not seen you much since we came back from summer but I don’t mind if you wanna chat” Neville said with a hint of worry in his voice “I..i..i do care about you you know” he said as a small blush crept along his cheeks.  
“Thank you, Neville, I will if I need to” Harry smiled back at the boy. He saw the blush in his cheeks and wondered if that was for him. He was sure it wasn’t, who would like a gaunt sickly-looking freak like him anyway. Neville was probably thinking about someone else. The two returned to their studying, the atmosphere around them slightly awkward as both queried the others thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Before long it was lunchtime, Harry knew he could skip this meal and claim it was an accident without anyone questioning his absence. He packed his things in the library and thanked Neville for the time in the library and upon Neville’s questioning agreed to meet him before their evening meal for that walk around the grounds. Harry wasn’t sure why the boy he still wanted to spend time with him after the last hour they had in the library, but he didn’t mind the idea of Neville’s company. Whilst everyone else was at lunch Harry went to his dorm room and took out the picture of his mum and dad. He was so grateful to Hagrid for the gift, when he felt alone or down the picture provided him with some relief. He watched the picture moving in front of him and thought about how happy his mum and dad looked when that picture was taken, if only he could have experienced their happiness then maybe he wouldn’t feel like this all the time. Harry wondered if Ron and Hermione would be that happy one day and maybe they would have a child too and dote upon it the way his parents might’ve done with him. Maybe. Harry sat and stared at the picture for a long while before realising the time must be getting on and he was no doubt due for his potions class soon. Quickly checking the time and realising that he’d soon be late he leapt from the bed, tucking the smiling photo back into his suitcase and bolting out of the door.  
He left the common room in a shot and was running through the halls and down staircases before smashing into a lump that sent him falling back onto the stone floor. His elbow hurt but he’d had worse, he looked up into the fat faces of Crabbe and Goyle who were clearly escorting Draco to class as well. They were walking slowly, unafraid of the wrath of Professor Snape unlike Harry. Malfoy sneered down at Harry “Oh my, look boys its gay little Harry Potter!”  
Harry stared blankly at the trio wondering why on earth they would think he was gay. He had never thought on his sexuality and honestly had no idea where the idea that he was gay came from.  
“We heard that you and Neville have been getting cosy in the library and are planning a lovers walk round the grounds later” Malfoy smirked at him.  
Harry thought on it, obviously he had spent time with Neville, and they were planning to have a walk together later but neither of them were gay, so why was it strange for two friends to spend time together?  
“Well, looks like you're gay too then. Haven’t seen you without your entourage lately Malfoy” Harry snapped back whilst collecting himself and his belongings from the ground.   
Crabbe and Goyle didn’t seem to appreciate that comment. Being gay in the Upper Class of Wizarding Society was particularly frowned upon. Elite families had been known to exclude homosexual children, the families want natural born babies to continue the hierarchal lineage, something homosexuality couldn’t give them. Harry looked at the two reddening faces and then at Malfoy who had drawn his wand, “Incarcerous” Malfoy shouted. Harry was again thrown to the ground as binds formed around his arms, legs and chest pinning him to the ground as a barrage of fists landed onto his head, stomach and legs. Crabbe and Goyle were upon him whilst Malfoy stood with a cocky half smile plastered on his face as punch after punch hit Harry. Pain shot across him from every part of his body and the tang of blood began to fill his mouth. Something, somewhere crunched and Harry cried out in pain as the thuds fell around him and he laid defenceless on the cold stone floors. His eye had begun to swell where the first punch had landed before Malfoy called the attack off. Crabbe and Goyle stood obediently wiping the blood of their hands onto their trousers, Malfoy looked at Harry “Serves you right Potter!” he spat at the boy before releasing the binds.   
Harry laid there for a few moments, trying to stop his tears as they fell down his face, stinging the fresh cuts. He slowly tried to sit up only for stars to appear in front of his eyes and dizziness as the world spun around him. He stood carefully and decided he couldn’t go to class like this and dragged himself to the bathrooms. His legs faltered as he walked, half stumbling, half dragging he made his way to the sinks and looked in the mirror. His face was a mess, blood was smeared across his skin and flowing freely, clearly the crunch had been his nose. One eye was now black and swollen closed, and his cheek was turning purple. He looked dreadful. He felt worse. Quickly rinsing his face his tears began anew, why did he have to say that to them, why didn’t he just keep his mouth shut. If only he was quiet, he wouldn’t get in so much trouble. Harry sank to the floor and sobbed. Why did everything have to be this way for him. He spent the rest of the lesson in the toilets crying, glad nobody disturbed him. He eventually pulled himself from the floor and looked at his face. It looked terrible and Harry decided to finally try out the glamour he had seen girls using to hide their imperfections, obviously this was for covering something else, but he hoped it would work regardless, no one needed to know he’d taken a beating for disrespecting Malfoy. After a few failed attempts Harry successfully put the spell in place and could see a vast improvement. The grey gauntness of his skin was replaced by a healthy pink pallor, the bags under his eyes had vanished and he looked rested, the bruising and somehow even the black eye was gone. He looked so much healthier; a level of health he didn’t think he’d ever been in his life. He put his wand away, certain that this spell would be an everyday piece in his arsenal. Maybe people would treat him better if he didn’t look so haggard?  
He left the toilets and headed straight to Gryffindor tower where Neville would no doubt be waiting for him, worried that he had skipped Potions. Sure enough, Harry was right, upon stepping through the portrait harry was greeted with a worried looking Neville rushing over to him   
“Harry! Harry where have you been? Snape was livid you weren’t in class!”  
“Sorry Neville, I wasn’t feeling too well, so I went to bed for a bit, had just stepped out to get a book from the library”  
“Oh, are you not up to going for a walk now?” Neville asked looking disappointed  
“I'm fine now Neville, let’s go”  
Neville couldn’t prevent the creep of a blush at Harry agreeing to still go with him. He smiled broadly at the smaller boy and waved him through the portrait first. They made their way out onto the castle grounds and Neville excitedly showed Harry into the greenhouses where he was growing a few plants under the supervision of Professor Sprout. Harry watched Neville as the boy happily spoke about the plants, he was so passionate about and he couldn’t help but admire him finding a place in the world that made him so happy and drove him to achieve more. Neville seemed to grow and become so much more handsome with the aura that erupted as he told Harry with such fervour about the subject that brought out the confident and mature side of him. When he turned and looked Harry in the eyes both boys blushed, and Harry wondered “maybe I really am gay”. Neville smiled inwardly to himself, Harry seemed genuinely interested in him and his hobbies. Neville couldn’t help but notice that Harry was looking much better and seemed more rested than he had earlier in the day, maybe he really was ill during potions lesson. The boys left the greenhouses and wandered together to the lake, discussing their lessons and Quidditch for the year. They walked along the side of the lake in a comfortable silence staring out over the water and appreciating the fresh air that blew across the hills. As the darkness of the evening began to close in and the wind turned to chill Neville noticed his friend had begun to shiver, he removed his Gryffindor robe and turned the boy to face him. He wrapped his robe around Harrys shoulders and looked into the green depths of Harrys eyes. The wind around them felt a little stiller as they both held their breath, lost in this moment. Harrys heart began to race as the warmth emanating from Neville and his robe wrapped around him and he stared up into the blue of Neville’s eyes. Neville’s arms drifted from Harrys shoulders to his waist and he tugged Harry in a little closer, until their chests were almost touching. He leant down and whispered into Harrys ear “I do really like you you know” and stayed there a moment, breathing in Harrys scent. Harry felt the warmth of Neville’s breath on his neck and the words travelled straight to Harrys heart. How could anyone like him? How could anyone see him that way? He was a scrawny freak. His heart rate increased, and Neville withdrew examining Harrys expression, would Harry reject him now? Seeing no sign of resistance in Harrys eyes he chanced a kiss. He leant forward and embraced Harrys lips in a small kiss. Harrys mind raced at this development. Not only was Neville gay but he was kissing him? Kissing the freak? Why was he interested in him? No one was ever interested in him. Neville released Harry from the moment and smiled fondly at the surprised look upon Harrys face.  
“Potter!”


	4. Chapter 4

Harry heard his name bellowed across the castle grounds and the light butterfly feeling in his stomached suddenly turned to dread. The hairs on his neck stood up and fear coursed through his veins. He looked to see a dark figure thundering across the grass moving towards him as the wind buffeted against the figures robes. The colour from the both boys faces drained upon seeing the professor and all emotion from the previous moment they had shared disappeared to be replaced with apprehension as he came closer.   
“Just what do you think you're doing Potter!” Snape bit out at Harry  
“I'm s-s-sorry sir, I-i-i-i was just getting some fresh air” Harry stuttered, terrified by the dark expression upon his professors face  
“You think you can skip my lesson to get prettied up for you date!”  
Harry understood how Professor Snape would see it that way. He had skipped his lesson and now with his glamour did appear to look much better than he had previously. Professor Snape had no way to know that bellow this charm his face was black and blue from the abuse that had befallen him and caused him to miss his lesson. He had no intention of telling him either, the last thing Professor Snape would believe was that his precious godson had dealt this damage and it would most likely just infuriate him more. Harry didn’t want anyone to know that he had provoked his Slytherin counterparts to the point of violence.  
“I-i-i’m sorry sir, I promise it won’t happen again” Harry replied to the much taller man that now towered menacingly over him. The fury in Snape's eyes was easy to see and made Harrys blood run cold. He’d seen that look a hundred times in Uncle Vernon’s face and though Professor Snape had never raised a hand to a student, Harry didn’t want to be the first to provoke such a reaction. Harry’s eyes fell as he felt his tears begin to mist, such a great saviour, crying just because a teacher was angry at him. His drew in his breath, no one could see how weak he truly was. Neville stared blankly ahead at the professor, wondering when that anger was going to be turned towards him, but for now Snape's eyes were trained only at the top of Harrys head.  
“Follow me, now Potter!” Snape bit out, unaware that the boy was struggling to hold back the flood of tears that threatened to erupt.  
Harry removed Neville's robe and shot him a half-hearted smile hoping that the failing light of the evening would cover the redness of his eyes as emotion prickled in the corners of his vision.  
“Shall I wait up for you Harry?” Neville said, worried about Harry alone with Professor Snape in such an angry state. Harry shook his head solemnly; he didn’t know what Professor Snape intended to do with him but was sure he wouldn’t return to the dormitory any time soon and would likely be in no shape to talk.  
Professor Snape began walking back to the castle, the anger boiling over him at witnessing the Great Saviour of the Wizarding World canoodling with Longbottom after his truancy from class. How dare he think he can get away with that kind of behaviour! Potter was so sure of himself, believing that Dumbledore and McGonagall would just excuse any and all of his ridiculous behaviour. Well HE wouldn’t, that boy would pay for such a level of disrespect. “Just wait til hes in my dungeons” Snape thought “Then he’ll know true punishment!”  
Harry followed Professor Snape on the long trek down to the potions classroom. The stone walls felt as though they were closing in around him sucking the air from his lungs as Harrys anxiety peaked and his vision blurred. He couldn’t do this, no, this was too much, he couldn’t be hit again! Stars danced in front of his eyes and Harry struggled to stay standing, focusing on placing one foot in front of the other on the walk to the potions classroom. Professor Snape had seemed so angry outside, Harry had never seen him so furious before. He was right to be though, Harry shouldn’t have missed his lesson, he should have owled the professor or written a note or gone to see him after class to apologise. Whatever was coming he deserved.  
Snape slammed his hard-wooden classroom doors open smashing them against the walls as he swept into the classroom, a dark aura of fury surrounding him.  
“Potter!” He shouted “You will redo the work you missed today and when you are finished you will wash every.single.cauldron. in the room!”  
He glowered at the boy standing in front of him, the boy reeked of Neville's cologne and it sent a disgusting odour that clung to the back of Snape's throat only serving to anger him further. Potter seemed terrified though, and rightfully so, how is the Saviour of the Wizarding World supposed to be so great whilst he’s trembling in front of the dungeon bat. Snape's mouth twitched at the idea. Clearly, he had never served any real punishment before and was now experiencing it for the first time.  
Snape slammed a textbook in front of the boy and ripped it open to the right chapter before shouting “Begin!” as the boy tripped and tumbled getting to his rightful seating area deriving great glee at the fear he was inflicting upon the idiot boy. Snape turned to his desk and opened a draw full of work ready for marking. How he loathed marking. These utter dunderheads believe they can turn in such drivel, most classes appeared to have one braincell to go between them and each took turns sharing it and spewing the resulting work onto parchments. This recent load of essays was by far the worst yet. First years. Some of them were still learning to write with a quill and it was obvious to see as between the ink splotches and dubious staining their writing was barely legible. Tearing through the gibberish in front of him he chanced a look at Potter who was chopping through ingredients and scanning the textbook. Snape observed that the boy was clearly wearing a glamour, was he trying to look better for Neville? If that was true, he really shouldn’t bother. Snape was certain that the bucktoothed bumbling fool would be more than happy to have The Boy Who Lived on his arm. He probably has his nan writing to the Daily Prophet all about tonight’s events right now. Snape shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all. He’d had no idea that the boy was gay and was much more unaware that he cared so much about his appearance. Between the unprecedent recent weight-loss, late nights and then wearing a glamour he was certain the boy was falling too far into his celebrity status.   
He was clearly all too much like his father. His father hadn’t developed such a fame, but he was one of the more popular boys in school with a broad following of equally vain idiots that fawned over him at every given moment. If only he’d known that his Lily would become one of those imbeciles that would attach themselves to any part of James Potters life. Snape had never had much interest in James’ life or on goings, something the other man hadn’t appreciated and had shown openly many times, whether in the form of humiliation or just with his fists. Snape would never and had never forgiven the man for any of his transgressions, especially for taking away his only friend. Remus and Sirius had never even developed enough maturity to apologise or show remorse for their part in James’s wrongdoings. No, instead the men had decided to act as though it had never happened, but the marks upon Snape's soul wouldn’t disappear as easily as the bruises that had befallen him at their hands. And Dumbledore who turned a blind eye then now forced him to interact with them, sympathise with their counterparts death and care for his doppelganger of a son. When this was all over, he planned to leave and never return to this hell hole of a place, he didn’t need any more reminders of the past in these halls, in the looks from the portraits, the gossiping of the ghosts and in the eyes of those men.  
Looking at the boy now all Snape could see were the similarities drew between this wretch and his bully of a father. Sure, his father was taller, more muscle bound, and his eyes were a different colour but there he was before him. A reincarnation of the man that drove him into the dregs of the wizarding world and the clutches of his Dark Lord. This man appeared to be stood before him, almost mocking him through Lily’s eyes. James had returned to the school with fame, a following and the protection of the Wizarding World to drive him insane.  
Harry could feel the daggers Potions Master was staring at him but continued to work. He couldn’t bear to look up and see the hatred that was no doubt pouring towards him in from Professor Snape's eyes. He would just carry on working; he didn’t want to anger the man further or give him any reason to unleash that anger upon him. He deserved it though. He had been wrong to treat Professor Snape that way, to show so little respect. Uncle Vernon would have punished him worse for his actions and he was thankful really that his Professor had chosen only this to punish him.  
They continued in this way until Harrys potion was finished and bottled, he gingerly placed it in front of the Potions Master not wanting to disturb the man from his marking, though whether it was marking or just cleverly decorating the parchments with various insults Harry couldn’t be sure. The professor didn’t raise his eyes or acknowledge the boy, so Harry went to the stack of greasy foul-smelling cauldrons caked in the remnants of who knows what goo and removed them one by one to begin scrubbing. Before long the entire dungeons smelt of the death and rot that Harry was scraping from the edges of the vessels and Harry wiped the sweat from his brow before removing his outer robes revealing the simple white shirt he wore beneath.  
Snape eyed the lesser clad boy in front of him over the top of his stack of parchments. The skinny waif was sweating profusely through his shirt and he could see that the boy was slowly but surely becoming an adult. An underweight adult, but an adult, nonetheless. His shoulders and broadened slightly and there was a faint glimmer of muscle visible in his arms as he scoured the cauldrons one by one. Snape could kind of see what Neville liked about the boy physically. He was Snape's type, the potion master preferred his men a bit stronger and much less like James, but he could see what the appeal would be to the teenagers that were star struck by Potters mere presence. Snape watched the boy before him work obediently and silently making quick work of the cauldrons, when had the Golden Boy had time to learn to clean? Surely those pandering relatives of his had never allowed him to lift a finger. Snape remembered his Aunt Petunia and what an awful child she had been, but she’d no doubt matured quite significantly since those days and Dumbledore, as much of an old fool as he was, wouldn’t have allowed Potter to spend his life around such ignorant muggles unless their fondness for their nephew outweighed their primitive witch-hunting beliefs. Whatever, the brat was able to scrub a cauldron to a satisfactory standard. Its just another thing the wretch will expect praise for.  
“Potter, when you are done restack the cauldrons and leave.” Snape sneered. He wouldn’t be garnering any praise from him, someone had to instill respect in the boy.  
“Yes sir” Harry stated keeping his eyes on the cauldrons, not wanting to meet the hate filled eyes of his professor.  
The end finally came and Harry gathered his possessions, donned his robes and left as quickly as he was able, not wanting to hear any more of the vile things he was sure the Potions Master wanted to shout at him as scurried from the room. He felt sick, weak and dizzy as he began the climb up the wooden staircases to the Gryffindor Tower. Today had been a long and tiring day and he had barely eaten or slept in weeks. It couldn’t continue like this but his stomach simply wouldn’t tolerate food and his nightmares wouldn’t allow him to sleep. His vision began twisting around him and the all too familiar stars filled his vision. His stomache was churning and reaching up his throat while the air he was desperately sucking inwards wouldn’t fill his lungs. He was falling… or was it floating. His legs collapsed beneath him and the castle ceilings came into view. His body crashed into the floor and the world around him faded to black.


	5. Chapter 5

A faint tingle of magic breathed across Harry’s body bringing him round to the bleak white room. The smell of various potions and balms that infiltrated his nose signalled that he had awoken in the all too familiar Hospital Wing. Slowly opening his eyes Harry was met with Madam Pomfrey bent over his chest frowning in concentration. She smiled gently at him upon seeing his eyes opening.  
“Harry, nice to see you awake, I do hope you're feeling more rested now,” She said warmly. “You’ve had a Dreamless Sleep potion so might still be feeling a bit groggy”  
She returned to her diagnostic spells and Harry stared blankly up at the white ceiling wondering how he had found himself here. He vaguely remembered leaving Professor Snape's detention but after that, his memory had become fuzzy. He did feel more rested now however and guessed this trip to the Hospital Wing was long overdue by now.  
Madam Pomfrey tutted beside him before turning to face the young boy and asking if he was hungry enough for breakfast. Harry nodded, surprised at the verbosity of his appetite which seemed have to roared out of its long dormancy. Before long his bedside was filled with various breakfast items such as cereal, toast, eggs, bacon and anything else that could possibly fit the criteria. Harry pulled back the bedsheets glad that he was clothed in pyjamas beneath and began tucking into the assortment before him.  
Once Madam Pomfrey was satisfied the young boy had eaten enough she approached him eager to find answers to the questions that were swirling around her mind.  
“Harry, I’ve a few questions I would like you to answer honestly if you can please?”  
Harry's eyes became wide like saucers and his heart leapt in his chest at Madam Pomfrey's question. He was sure she must know something. He had tried so hard to hide everything this year, he didn’t want more questions, didn’t want anyone to see him the way his relatives did. He couldn’t take being The Freak here too.   
Madam Pomfrey saw the way Harry had turned pale and could feel the fear seeping from him. She needed these answers but the boy was so afraid, how far could she push for them before he shut down. She wanted to help this child before her, Albus may see him as the Saviour but to her, he was a child that needed protecting from whatever was happening to him.  
“Harry, it's ok, I'm only here to help you”  
Tears pricked at the corner of Harrys eyes, he didn’t want to let this woman down. He didn’t want her to know he was weak. He sucked in his chest in some feigned sort of way to appear more confident and plastered the same smile he’d used time and again up his face.  
“I'm ok Madam Pomfrey, don't worry about me”  
“Harry, I’ve been looking over your tests and you appear to have lost a lot of weight recently, are you sure you're eating enough?” She asked with her concerned look still in place.  
“Yes Miss, just a growing boy playing too much Quidditch I guess!” Harry joked to her. She didn’t need to know that the idea of food was making him feel ill, his stomach already threatening to reject his breakfast.  
“Ok, maybe add some more protein to your diet then. I was just wondering about you’re exhaustion too. Are you having problems sleeping normally?”  
“No, I guess I’ve just been staying up too late at the moment. Trying to keep up with school work and playing Chess late with Ron must have taken its toll, sorry to have worried you” Harry smiled at the woman  
“Ok, but if you need some more sleeping potions don't be afraid to ask. Professor Snape isn’t the only person able to hand them out and I'm sure Professor Dumbledore would prefer if you were sleeping well” Madam Pomfrey replied, she wasn’t convinced the boy was being entirely truthful but she would pass on her worries to Albus, he might be able to garner some more information from the boy.  
Harry sighed in relief as she left. His practised answers seemed to have done the trick and she had appeared placated by them. He did really like Madam Pomfrey, but that was why he couldn’t tell her the truth about his nightmares, she’d worry too much and probably drag him to Dumbledores office to get more information. It was better this way.  
Harry dressed stood and dressed in his school attire. He did feel so much better after last nights sleep. If only he could get his hands on some Dreamless Sleep without anyone noticing. He was sure Professor Snape would have some in his stock room, but could he really get past the eagle-eyed man unnoticed? More to the point, how had he ended up here? He realised Madam Pomfrey hadn’t told him what had happened. Quickly slipping on his shoes he made his way over to the office the older woman had retreated too.  
“Ummm, Madam Pomfrey…” He said as he poked his head around her office door.  
“Yes, Harry?” She smiled warmly back to him  
“I was just wondering… what happened to me last night?”  
“I’m not sure Harry, I thought you knew. I came into the bay early this morning and there you were, asleep in the bed, with a note that said you’d had the Dreamless Sleep potion. I'm not sure how you came to be there but I thought you or one of your friends had brought you in. I performed some diagnostic spells on you that showed your exhaustion and nutritional deficiencies but otherwise, it was really down to whoever brought you in” She said with a look of confusion upon her face.  
“Oh, right, yeah, must’ve forgotten,” Harry said, more unsure about what had happened than before. Whoever had written that note would surely know how he'd come to be unconscious in a hospital bed. Who would have cared enough to take him there though? Uncle Vernon had always dismissed his injuries as deserved and to be suffered through healing, in fact, his family had never taken him to a doctor for illness or injury. He’d have to think about it later, for now, he was late for his lessons and didn’t want another detention like last night.  
Harry thanked Madam Pomfrey for her care and left the hospital wing and made his way to his dormitory to collect his books for the day.


	6. Chapter 6

The next few days passed in a blur, maybe he had slept one night and eaten one meal but the return to his normal routine of nightmares had put a stop to that. The momentary relief he had felt soon became lost in sleepless nights, a dwindled appetite and the constant loneliness.  
Neville was still there, he was asking to spend more time with Harry but after what happened last time Harry hadn’t felt up to it. So instead they spent time together studying in the library, it was nice to have someone to take his mind of everything and the studying was helping with some of his classes. Harry was still struggling to concentrate but it was nice to have a friend with him.  
Today was the first day Snape was back though, there had been a slight reprieve in his teaching after Harry’s detention, Snape had been away attending to business but word had passed through the other years that had already had Potions class today that he was back and Harry felt a foreboding dread set into his stomach.   
What if Snape was still mad about earlier in the week? Had Snape known he’d passed out and landed in the Hospital Wing? Could he really handle Snape at the moment?  
If Harry had had any opportunity to skip the lesson he would have and a small part of him said he needed to fake an illness… but he knew Snape would find him and put him in detention anyway.   
He felt like he was shaking as he made his way through the dark stone corridors to Potions class. People were beginning to start gathering outside, no one wants to be late for this class. Over the hum of chattering the door suddenly slammed open and a voice from within shouted “Enter!”  
Students slowly made their way to their desks, all visibly disappointed that the break from Snape's teaching had ended. Ron and Hermione had taken their desks together but Neville’s smiling face caught Harry, Harry returned with a small smile and made his way to sit with the boy. They were possibly the worst pairing imaginable in Potions class but it would be nice to sit with a friend whilst being berated for whatever they did wrong.  
The pair read the board and began working in a synchronised silence that came naturally to them.  
The faint smell of Neville’s cologne rippled from him and calmed Harry’s anxious nerves and allowed him to focus on the task. He had no doubt that something at some point would go wrong but with the taller boy beside him, he didn’t mind. Every now and then he would catch Neville looking at him with a faint smile and the butterflies in his stomach would briefly respond forcing him to blush slightly at the memory of he and Neville by the lake.  
Harry glanced briefly at the board at the front of the glass and recoiled in shock when his eyes were met with blazing black eyes glaring into his own. The eyes seemed on fire with a deep fury aimed directly at him. He shivered in fear of what was to come, if Professor Snape was this angry it would never end well.  
The older man made his way through the classroom towards Harry, never breaking that burning eye contact. Other students in the room turned to watch the scene that was about to unfold.  
“Potter! You call this proper preparation of ingredients!?!” Snape shouted pointing at Harry's dishevelled ingredients.  
“I…I… I’m trying Professor, sorry” Harry pleaded.  
“If you call this trying you clearly need more practice!” Snape bellowed roughly sweeping all of Harry’s ingredients to the floor. “Return here tonight, this kind of ridiculous behaviour cannot continue!”  
Harry flinched at Professor Snape's movements across his desk, both scared of what the professor might do to him in this frenzy and ashamed of himself.  
The anger rolling off of his professor's aura was permeating Harry’s senses and as Snape's hands slammed onto his now barren work station Harry violently recoiled falling onto the floor. His heart was beating rapidly as he lifted his shaking head to the black cladded man looming over him. His robes appeared to be billowing in his fury as his onyx eyes glared at the boy.  
“Out. Now” He quietly spat at the boy through grated teeth. Snape had no idea why he was so angry with the boy. Seeing him sat there all chummied up with the worst student in class doing an abysmal job of preparing the ingredients had sent him into an uncontrollable rage that didn’t lift until he saw the boy panicking on the floor and was aware he’d probably gone too far. Lifting his nose in the air and returning to his desk as the tear-streaked face of Potter scurried from his room he quietened his thoughts thinking that it was probably about time someone knocked him down a peg anyway.  
When he’d found the boy collapsed at the bottom of the stairs after their detention last week he’d run his own diagnostic spells that showed what he’d assumed. The boy was staying up too late, probably flirting with admirers and laughing with his friends about the slimy dungeon bat; and that he wasn’t eating. Again this was no likely down to Potter trying to be more attractive to his doting fans.   
He’d given the brat one of his dreamless sleep potions in the hope that he’d get a nights rest and pay more attention in lessons. If they were to put the fate of the wizarding world in the hands of this imbecile and Snape was to risk his life as a spy then the least the boy could do was learn a little bit of valuable information. Clearly, it hadn’t worked and with the glamour still in place on the brats face Snape couldn’t even tell if he was still up all hours partying or if he really was just as much of an idiot as Snape thought he was.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry fled the room and ran. He felt the blood rushing around his body and the air burning in his chest with every breath. His heart hammered as if it might beat its way through his chest and his head swam in a fog of fear as he bolted towards his spot by the lake.  
Arriving at the place he collapsed into a heap on the floor, tears streaking down his face. He sat there and wept. It was all becoming too much. He knew his life couldn’t continue this way, there was no way he would cope. His mind or his body would be the first to give and he would never be able to perform his sacrificial duties. Noone would listen if he told them though. He had no one left to turn to. His Professors had all either begun to lose faith in him or held him on a pedestal he could never fall from in their eyes. His friends were moving on with their lives and leaving him in the shadows, there was only Neville and he didn’t think he could handle seeing the disappointment in his eyes. If his parents were alive maybe things would be different. But they weren’t. Losing himself in The Mirror of Erised had taught him that nothing would bring them back.  
He sat and cried through until the evening began to close in before pulling himself from the ground with a despondent resolve. He made his way through the grounds to the castle. Eyes cast forward with a terrible certainty in his eyes, unfeeling to the wind and elements that buffeted against his crumpled robes. The castle was quiet with everyone at dinner echoing his footsteps from the ground as he strode the corridors. Climbing the stairs he was unhearing to the chorus of noise in the Hall. Instead, his gaze remained ahead.  
The resolute trance drove him upwards to the Astronomy Tower. He stood at the top, buffeted by the winds looking out across the grounds. The final glimmers of the sun were dancing across the lake and the dark forest was embedded in its darkness. He watched at the first stars shone into the evening sky and breathed in the nights cool breeze.  
This was it. It was time. Fear touched at the edges of his mind but was overwhelmed by bliss and calm. He stepped to the edge, his toes just over and closed his eyes. Tears began to fall down his cheeks and he leant forward.  
“Petrificus Totalus!”


	8. Chapter 8

Harry awoke slowly in an all too familiar room. Machines whirred around him and there were faint sounds of whispers from the portraits behind him. Pulling himself vertical in a plush loveseat he took in his surroundings. Fawkes trilled to him and the old man shuffled into the office.  
“Ah, nice to see you awake Harry, my boy!” Dumbledore said brightly. Dressed head to toe in purple robes with his long grey beard he really did look the part for the leader of the light.  
“How, how did I get here?” Harry asked his voice still sore and raspy from the day.  
“Well, I saw you about to fall and stopped you. You seemed to faint so I brought you here. You’ve been asleep about an hour but you look better now” Dumbledore said as he busied himself with the piles of paperwork on his desk.  
“Why did you stop me” Harry muttered to himself fidgeting the with the seam of his sleeve.  
“Can't have you getting hurt now can we Harry,” Dumbledore said matter of factly not looking at the boy.  
“I..i…I wanted to fall though” Harry whispered almost to himself.  
“But you will not. You are our only hope. You will not risk the lives of your friends selfishly again” The twinkle that was normally in his eyes was gone. He glared darkly at Harry.  
As quickly as the darkness in Dumbledore had arisen it seemed to disappear and he smiled as though it never had been there.   
“Now my boy, lemon drop?”  
Harry shook his head. Admitting to anyone how he felt was hard enough, but having it dismissed as a matter of duty had cut him deeper.  
“Sir, I don't think I'm coping this year” He whispered to the old man  
“Nonsense. You will be fine my boy. Chin up and all that. The war will be over soon” Dumbledore smiled to him.  
“I.. I don't think you understand sir. I'm not sleeping, I'm failing classes, my friends are leaving me. I wanted to die today…” He said, not looking up as he fiddled with his sleeve more.  
“You're fine my boy! Teenage hormones is all” Dumbledore chuckled, “I’ll tell Snape to drop off some Dreamless Sleep and we’ll have no more of this silliness”  
The last part was said in such a way that Harry felt it was a threat. The Golden Boy was a warrior, and warriors didn’t feel sad.  
“Now, off you go. Find your friends and have a good night!” Dumbledore said dismissively.  
“Good night sir,” Harry muttered dejectedly as he left the room.  
  
Harry made his way to the Gryffindor Dorms. Not lifting his eyes from the ground he stared at his feet as he undressed and got into bed. Neville stared at him from across the room, where-ever Harry had disappeared to all day it didn’t seem like he wanted to be disturbed.  
Harry climbed into bed and pulled the plush covers over his head. Silence and darkness were the only things he could cope with right now. It was 10 pm and everyone was making their way to bed. He just wanted to be left alone, not mithered by the boys walking in about where he’d been today. Questions were the last thing he could handle.  
  
“Twice. Twice now Potter!” The booming timber sounded as it penetrated Harry’s safe cocoon under the covers. He bolted upright as cold dread filled his veins and his heart leapt from his chest.  
“s..s..sir?” He stammered breathless and bewildered to the dark form at the bottom of his bed.  
“You have YET AGAIN failed to attend detention without even the decency to tell me! Is respect for others so difficult from your high-horse?!” Snape growled at the boy shaking in bed. “And the cheek of it all is that you have Dumbledore order me to wait on you with potions! How dare you show so little consideration for others!”  
Snape all but threw the bottle at the boy before barking “You will learn. 3weeks detention and don't you dare be late for a single one or you’ll spend the rest with Filch!”  
With that, he turned on his heel black cloak flowing behind him as if he was levitating from the dormitory.  
Harry looked down at the bottle on his bed, even if Dumbledore had dismissed his feelings, this bottle would give him a bit of relief at least. Pulling the stopped he downed the bottle and laid back against the soft pillows asleep within moments.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry awoke the next day late and relieved it was the weekend. The Dreamless sleep had given him a restful nights sleep as he’d hoped he felt energised for the day and casting a quick Tempus showed he’d slept until 9. He left the bed and went to shower, looking in the mirror without his glamour the tired and withdrawn faced that looked back at him was still present but at least his bruising from Malfoys goons was now fully healed.  
Everyone had become so used to the glamour however that he guessed it should still be in place. Casting the spell he began to dress and hoped that breakfast was still being served. After such a good nights sleep he felt better and that he would be able to stomach a meal rather than just the nibbles here and there he had been sufficing on.  
He left the bathroom and made his way to the common room spotting Ron and Hermione in their usual canoodling spot. Harry greeted them as usual and asked if they would like to accompany him to breakfast.  
“Harry we would love to but we’ve already been. Would you like to come to Hogsmeade with us later?” Hermione smiled back  
“Sorry, but I really need to get some studying done today, catch you for dinner?” Harry replied  
“Sure, I’ll help you with the work tonight” Hermione replied  
“See you later mate!” Ron shouted as Harry made his way through the portrait.  
Halfway to the Dining Hall Harry spotted Neville puffing down the staircases towards him.  
“Alright mate!” Neville beamed “Want some company for breakfast?”  
“Yeah sounds good” Harry smiled back to Neville, a faint blush creeping up his neck.  
Neville really had become a great friend and if their kiss by the lake was anything to go by maybe he would like something more. Harry wasn’t averse to the idea, though he had never considered his sexuality previously he thought that if someone was able to see him as anything other than the pathetic freak hed always been told he was then that person must be good. Looking closely at Neville as they made their way to breakfast he saw that the boy had grown significantly and was now far taller than himself, his hair was dark and silky with a sort of tousled look and his shoulders had broadened from the time he put in in the greenhouses. Neville was an objectively good looking guy now and the idea of being wrapped in his strong arms sent the butterflies in Harry's stomach into a frenzy.  
The Great Hall was now deserted with only a few other late sleepers present to eat the scraps left by the masses. But that was ok with Harry, it was just nice to want to eat for him. He ladened his plate with toast and the last sausage and sat next to Neville who was happily talking about how his plants were growing.  
“So Harry, after breakfast do you want to come check them out? My Mandrakes come on loads since you saw it!” Neville said excitedly.  
Although Harry had been planning to spend the day in the library the way he felt around Neville made him want to spend as much time as possible in his presence.  
“Yeah, that sounds great!” Harry smiled broadly.  
They made their way to the Greenhouses together chatting and laughing as Neville told Harry funny stories about his trouble with growing some of the plants. Upon arriving, Neville held the door open to Harry and showed him over to his own section inside. Harry might not have been terribly interested in the plants growing but seeing the way Neville's face lit up around them again reminded him why he wanted to be here. The normally shy and stuttering boy seemed to brim with confidence and charisma around the plants and Harry found himself longing for a repeat of their kiss.  
Harry smiled contentedly as the boy started to ramble and tend to his plants, happy to just sit and watch. When Neville had finished with the daily duties he dedicated to his passion he went and sat next to Harry on the benches normally reserved for classes.  
“So, how are you after last night?” He asked carefully  
“I..i’m ok. I understand why Professor Snape's so annoyed but its not intentional that I keep missing lessons or detention. Just… just other things come up” Harry said quietly, fiddling with that patch on his sleeve again.  
“Where did you go when you missed it?” Neville said turning towards Harry with a slightly concerned look on his face. He’d noticed Harry seeming withdrawn and unwell but hadn’t known how to broach the subject. A part of him wanted to question Harry intently but he didn’t want to drive him away. He’d seen Harry differently this year and his crush on him was obvious to everyone but Harry, he wanted to help his friend but if Harry didn’t want to talk about it he would respect the boundaries.  
Harry was looking down as if that seam on his sleeve was the most interesting thing in the world. He couldn’t tell Neville where he really was, he’d no doubt drive him away. Who wants a suicidal mentally unwell freak, Neville no doubt saw him as some amazing courageous saviour same as everyone else.  
“I was just in the library and lost track of time I guess. I know its not a good enough excuse and Professor Snape has every reason in the world to be annoyed with me.” Harry said sorrowfully.  
“What was the potion he was on about then? He said Dumbledore ordered him to give it to you”  
“It was a Dreamless Sleep. Just had a bit of trouble sleeping lately” Harry said looking up at Neville, at least that part was true.  
“Oh right, my Gran takes that too,” Neville said smiling putting his arm around Harry. “So… you know that night by the lake when Snape came and got you...” Neville said sucking in a deep breath “What did you think of it”  
Harry quickly looked away, his cheeks turning crimson with the blush. Neville was clearly talking about the kiss they shared. The kiss Harry had been fantasising about every time he was near the boy. And now he had Neville's arm around him, and they were alone and talking about it.  
“I…i…it was nice,” Harry said looking back up into Neville's blue eyes he was sure he could drown in if given the chance.  
“Good” Neville replied before leaning down to Harry and capturing his lips in a kiss. It wasn’t the soft and touching kiss that they’d shared last time. This time if felt deeper as Harry placed his hands at the base of Neville's neck pulling himself closer until their chests touched. Neville's hands travelled Harrys back until one found his hair and began tangling itself into the black locks the other wrapped itself around Harry's waist holding him in the embrace. Neville's tongue licked long Harry's bottom lip and Harry happily opened his mouth to its entry. The kissing became deeper and more frenzied and they sought dominance over the kiss, one of Harry's hands coming forward to grab at the material upon Neville's chest, seeking anchorage in the storm. Neville pulled Harry closer until the boy was almost in his lap, the sparks of the moment palpable to both.   
Neville was the one to end the kisses both unaware of how long they were lost in the moment. He trailed kisses down Harry's neck as they both breathlessly recovered. Harry laid his head on Neville's shoulder and they sat there until Neville's stomach signalled it was time for lunch.


End file.
